Are you a heart-broken person who cannot move on from his/her ex? Are you that unfortunate guy who got dumped by your girlfriend for a richer/hotter guy? Are you that unlucky girl who got cheated upon by her boyfriend for a more beautiful girl? If yes, this is for you – yes You!
A very commonly asked question that I receive every other day in my e-mail is “I broke up with my girlfriend/boyfriend, please suggest me how to move on?”
I can understand the pain of moving on, and then seeing the other person move on like nothing has happened! I’ve seen it happening to many of my friends, and moving-on needs a lot of determination and will power. I can just advice you, but you need to be ‘self-motivated’ to keep the fire burning. I will write this article from a ‘guy’s’ point of view, who has to move on from his ‘ex-girlfriend’ but same thing applies to ladies as well, who are ditched by their undeserving ‘ex-boyfriends’. So read on –
To move on, first thing you need to do is ‘blocking her from every social media’! She’s not someone you want to see or hear about now, so block her. You don’t need to see who she’s hanging out with, who she’s meeting, and who she’s dating. That chapter of your life is over now. Coming on to next, you need to ‘distract’ yourself from her thoughts. Blocking a person isn’t enough when he’s constantly on our minds, right? She’s subconsciously there in your mind, every second, every minute and that is something that won’t let you live in peace, no matter what you do. So now, you distract yourself from her thoughts, her memories, her reminiscence and anything that reminds you of her. Throw out her gifts or cards or things that she gave to you during your relationship and whenever your ‘mind’ starts to remind you of her, ask your mind to shut-up! It’s very easy to fool our mind. When we were young and exams were on the head, we used to waste time, watch movies, play cricket, but ‘not’ study – by ‘assuring’ our mind, that we still have 5 more hours to study, we have 2 more hours to prepare, and so on. If we can fool our mind at that stage so easily, why is it that now it has become one of the toughest things? It’s because “You let your mind ‘control’ you”.
Don’t let your mind control you, rather you control your mind, and ask it to shut-up, the second it starts reminding you of your ex-girlfriend. She might be someone’s girlfriend in future, and you’re a lucky person, you know why? Because you didn’t have to bear such a girl, who can’t even sort out some tiny issues today, how do you expect her to ‘stand’ by your side in future when times can be tougher and unfavorable?
You do not deserve a person like her! She left you like this, when situations weren’t even that tough, an entire life is ahead of you, what do you expect your life-partner to do? How do you want your wife to behave in such situations? To leave you and run away? Instead of being by your side, and helping you sort that situation? I am sure that a wonderful, cheerful and amazing girl is out there, who will be your wife in future, and I’m sure, that will be the day that you will understand WHY this happened, why you went through such a negative phase in your life. Sometimes, negativity is very important, to understand the value of positivity in life, and to understand all the blessings we have. In negative times only, we value the good things.
To distract yourself, you need to do something that you love. And even before that, you need to convince yourself, that smoking and drinking is not what you need to keep going, suicide will not solve things, rather will create more problems. Suicide might be good option for you – but you are no less than your girlfriend then! She left you when you were getting possessive, and you are thinking about leaving your ‘life’, your parents, family and friends, when ‘you’ faced some difficulties in life. These things are what cowards do! People who are weak, resilient, who can’t fight and who are not strong enough. People who need ‘external’ things to distract themselves, and so they start smoking and drinking just to sleep peacefully, they think about suicide just to escape, and if not smoking/drinking/suicide, they start taking sleeping-pills.
Tell me – why do we need sleeping pills now? When we were kids, we had huge tensions even then, board exams, tension of result, getting low marks, fearing to show the report card at home – you will say that back in those days, those worries were very little. True. Worries were little, but worries ‘were just’ not little, they are little even now! For a 5 years old kid, tension of showing report card at home, is as much as handling a breakup for a grown up man, you know why? Because a 5 years old child has seen limited world, for him, showing his less marks is even ‘more’ worrying than handling breakup! It’s not that his tension is small, it is as large – but does he drink or smoke to it? No. They know how to handle it! They know how to sleep and how to forget things and move on in life.
Right now, those little things seem small to us, only because in that age, we learnt to ‘let-go’. If now also we adopt that same attitude, and learn to let go, after 20 years, even breaking up will seem small, and you will be advising your children, that a breakup isn’t that difficult phase, rather you can pass through it easily if you have determination and willpower. Right now, you’re weak that you are thinking about suicide. Stop doing that! Be that five year old kid, and think from his point of view – you have failed in an exam, you are going to show the result to your parents, who will beat the shit out of you, but still you don’t run away from home, you walk out of the school bus, enter home, have food, talk to your parents – basically so far you are just fooling your mind, and making it believe that everything is alright – and then, you drop the bomb! You get the beating, you are beaten black and blue, but do you drink at night or do you think about killing yourself? No, you watch cartoons and sleep, because killing yourself is NOT an option – the next day, you are little angry with your parents for what they did to you, but then again, in a week or so, you forget and move on! How were we so amazing in childhood, and we are so stupid and weak now? Because – we have allowed our mind to control us! Don’t allow it. Be that 5 yr old kid, but this time, instead of a bad result, you have an unfaithful girlfriend – see, things will be alright in no time, if you ‘allow’ them to be alright. If you keep on remembering those things, it will keep coming back to you.
The best way to distract yourself is – keeping yourself busy. Be so busy that you don’t have time to breathe! Join a gym, start painting, start sketching, open up motorbikes if you are interested in mechanical engineering, or simply design a new program on computer, start learning anything like C++ or JAVA – basically – do anything that keeps you interested and occupied. You will eventually have a lot better start to the day, and a lot better end to it as well, and when you will be dead tired, you will not need drink/smoke to sleep. You will fall asleep naturally and more comfortably and will wake up better. Eat healthy, go for a morning jog, run, exercise, include fruits in your diet – make some changes to yourself. When you start working out, you immediately start feeling better you know. You will immediately start loving yourself, your body will reflect those changes and it will ‘thank’ you for taking care of it.
Ultimately, it’s you who can make a positive or negative change in your life. I can advice you and this piece might make you feel amazing for a day or two, but after that you will be again back to square one. After that, you will need more doses – but don’t rely upon that! Be your own motivator, and supporter. Be your best friend, and advice yourself upon what is the right thing to do. I am sure you will never need any counseling again in life.
One Life! 🙂