It was a peaceful Sunday morning that a good friend of mine, called me up, only to deliver a not-so-good news about his girlfriend, who decided in a fortnight that she couldn’t handle the relationship anymore. He was devastated. Tired to be honest. Tired of explaining her how he would do something in life after all. We all do, isn’t it? They say if you’re born poor, it’s not your mistake, but if you die poor, it’s your fault. He was sticking on to that notion quite faithfully. Having born into a middle class family, and dating a middle class girl weren’t the only ingredients to a beautiful life. It was the day he was introduced that money, can be more important than relationships. She eventually left him. Left him for someone richer than him, and started dating a guy who owned an Audi. More-so, a guy who’s father owned an Audi, because let’s be honest here, no 22 years old regular, college drop-out guy can earn an Audi by himself in the remote corners of Punjab. That was his story. But it didn’t end here, the best was yet to come.
2015 – First Half
Another friend of mine, this time a female, meets me at a birthday party of our mutual friend. She tells me how she is ‘suddenly’ feeling suffocated in her relationship. When I asked her ‘why?’, she referred to other women enjoying the perks of dating rich guys. I didn’t get my answer yet. I again pressed her, asked ‘why? Why was she feeling suffocated if other women were enjoying?’ She didn’t know what to say. ‘I think I’m done with him…’ – the exact same words were repeated, just as they say history repeats itself, but it was fairly early for his breakup to be a history. How many years had passed down so far? Only three. This was disappointing. The way our society was thinking. The way they were going down. She continued her story and eventually decided herself that she cannot be with her boyfriend who couldn’t afford to spoil her with Prada and LV goodies. I said ‘Good Luck’, because you really cannot make anyone understand anything unless they don’t want to. A week later she had also found an Audi-owner, this time a 26 years old guy who was settled in his father’s business (of course), and enjoying a lavish life. I congratulated her but didn’t ask her how her ex-boyfriend was. Miserable was the answer, and I knew it very well. How else were you supposed to feel when you were ditched and dumped for no mistake of yours? Miserable. Utterly miserable.
Two of my close friends, but two different perspectives. Call it a co-incidence or anything, but in both the cases they were the women who broke up for money, and not the men. And if the same men had asked for dowry, I don’t know what hell would’ve fallen upon them! I didn’t pay attention to either of their lives or future, as I was busy with my own. I stopped contacting them anymore. The 2015-girl because she was enjoying way too much with her rich guy – good for her, and 2012-guy because he was way to busy to make his dreams come true. I was happy for both of them. The girl because she was a good friend of mine and she was happy with the rich guy. For the guy I was happier, because he had moved on very well after 6 months of constant depression and Xanax-nights, he was finally working hard, toiling day and night for his success, and he did find it one day.
2015 – Second Half
The guy calls me up. The one who broke up in 2012. We catch up and he breaks the big news to me – he had secured admission in USA’s one of the most prestigious colleges. He finally got the scholarship to pursue his studies too, and was joining next autumn. We celebrated for hours, and he couldn’t stop telling me about how excited he was for his new life. After sometime, he mentioned his ex. The girl who left him in 2012 because she didn’t find him rich enough – she happened to contact him. He told me she called him up as she got to know about his USA-admission, and surprisingly she tried to woo him to take her back. This was shocking. First, she breaks up, and then she begs him to take her back. Wasn’t her Audi-guy good enough now? Turned out the guy she was dating, was illiterate. 12th Pass, never went to college, didn’t know what to speak and how to speak, and dominated her like hell. She was trapped in the toxic relationship and was begging for mercy, from the guy she kicked aside three years back because he wasn’t rich enough.
I was curious to know what happened next? He continued the story, he said to her, ‘It took me a long time to be where I am, and you are the one who motivated me to be here. Thanks for leaving me. But please don’t come back in my life again, because since the day you left, it’s become even more beautiful. The guy you think was worthless, has a value today, only because you kicked him to make him strong enough. Thanks, but no thanks…’
This was complete savage! I didn’t believe for a second that he actually said all this, but he nodded in approval. The guy had some guts. We celebrated more over the fact that finally he gave himself a closure over that meaningless relationship. He went to USA in April 2016, and hasn’t been in touch since, but I can surely say that he’s having the time of his life. Good for him! (If you are reading this, I’m happy for you!)
2017 – January
My friend calls me up to tell me that soon she is getting married to the rich man, for whom she left her boyfriend in 2015. Great news, I said! She didn’t sound much happy though. On asking she confessed that she felt bad for breaking up with her ex for money. In the two years she spent with her current boyfriend, she saw a lot of money only to understand that it wasn’t as important after-all to kill the emotions of a person. She understood how it would’ve felt, and how horrible it would have been to him at that point. She continued saying that if some woman does the same to her son in future – she might not be able to take it. She wanted a closure before marriage, but she was scared enough to call him. I told her not to. That would mean intentionally adding a baggage to the new life she was stepping into. I don’t know whether or not she called him for a closure, but all I know is that you realize. Everyone does.
At some point, you will feel guilty of what you did. The day you will realize the pain you inflicted upon someone who loved you, is the day you will realize the intensity of the crime you committed, but that day you might not get a chance to apologize or even feel sorry – that’s how cruel it can be at times.
Money or Relationships – it’s a big debate. I never advocate or support or even think that leaving a human being for money is justifiable in any case. If the girl and girl’s parents can shrink the guy to numbers (salary, savings and bank balance), then the men should also feel free to openly demand dowry. Ask for cars and houses, ask for fixed deposits because if it is going to be a monetary deal, let it be from both sides. If marriage is no more the union of souls or togetherness of a couple, then let it be a business-deal with equal participants on both sides. Why should a guy be rich enough but the girl or her parents give nothing in return? If you expect him to spend on your daughter in future, give him some security in present. If you expect him to spoil your daughter with branded luxuries, at least give him a luxury car like an Audi Q7 or maybe a Mercedes S-Class? Oh, you don’t have that much money? Then why do you seek men who have it if you can’t match their level of financial stability?
Money – still can be earned. But a person lost, can never be brought back no matter how rich you become in future. If you have a beautiful relationship – please focus on working together and becoming rich together. We have beautiful examples in our society – examples of couples who made it big together. From Sudha Murthy and Narayan Murthy (founder of Infosys), to Shah Rukh Khan and Gauri Khan (Bollywood stars), from Victoria Beckham and David Beckham (fashion designer and footballer) to Barrack and Michelle Obama (former USA President and First Lady) and many power couples who were dirt poor and absolutely nothing before their marriages, but rose to name and fame together, because they loved each other too much to let anyone go.
Right now – it’s too quick to decide whether you should leave him or not. Wait, give him time, give him your support and I bet he will never fail you. If you truly love each other, any reason to split apart is too small and too puny to be considered for a separation. Because you have several reasons to build a beautiful, happy life together. No money can buy you the comfort of sleep in each other’s arms, and no money can give you the satisfaction that a tight, warm hug provides. Understand your priorities before it is too late. You’ve got only one life after all, don’t take actions after which you are ashamed to even face yourself…