Warning – This post involves too many self-help exercise, thinking and travelling into past and future!
It’s important to move on, of course you can’t remain at the same place forever. But is it important to hate in order to move on?
I’ve seen so many girls throw away the greeting cards, teddy bears, and anything associated with their ex-boyfriends, just so they could move on. I’ve heard so many rants from the girls about the guys just after the breakup. The guys who were their sweethearts when they were in relationship. People change once their relationship changes, but how important is it to hate in order to move on?
I am often asked questions like – Does cutting yourself makes it easy to move on? How is suicide going to benefit me? Will I forget the pain if I die? (Really?)
Think about your love-life. You’ve been together since what time? A year, two years at most? Or maybe five or even ten years? How old are you? In your teenage, or nearly around early twenties? How long have you been with your parents and family? Since the moment you were born, right? Then why do you need to even think about dying when you always have the people who unconditionally love you? Why do you need to cut yourself, when there are people who can’t even tolerate a tear in your eye let alone a gush of blood? Why do you need to do any such stupid thing in order to make yourself feel that you’re reducing the pain?
There are always ways to move on, and one of them is ‘Hating’ someone you ‘Loved’. Sounds so ironical, isn’t it? But it’s the truth, people adopt this method as it’s the easiest one, but how effective it really is?
Let’s walk down the lane by a decade or two. Where do you see yourself after 20 years? Close your eyes and imagine, and be honest on what you really want with your life, before reading ahead. Now recollect what you saw. Did you see your ex with you after that much of time? If yes, then there is no need of hating him now. Did you see someone else with you? If so, then what’s the use of hating someone who’s not going to be a part of your life in future?
In both the cases, there is never going to be any reason valid enough for your hatred for someone. It’s never going to help you. It will only fill you with negativity inside. Learn to forgive, and it’s easier said than done. Forgiveness is something that only mature people can do, while hatred is something that only stupids adopt. Hatred will do nothing, but remind you of the past and the pain associated with it, again and again, while forgiveness while make you move on from that phase and take you towards brighter side of life.
Breakup doesn’t mean the end of the world. Life goes on, and so does time. Some people ask their broken friends to date another girl/guy, and in return, he/she will help them move on. They term it as their expert advice. Really?
Now, imagine you love someone very much, but he has someone else in his heart and can’t let go of her. Won’t it kill you everyday to see him cry for someone else daily? Won’t you hate yourself for loving him so much? Of course you will. Same will be the case with the new guy you’re about to date in order to overcome the pain of your past. He will not only hate himself, but even your new relationship won’t ever flourish, because a person comes into relationship for ‘his-happiness’ and not for curing someone else’s pain. The main motive of everyone’s relationship is ‘happiness’, you like spending time with him, and you like hanging out with him. But if he keeps on talking about his past, and cries every minute, you’ll breakup for sure! Even your new relationship won’t work, believe me on this. So, never even think of entering into a new relationship till you’ve overcome from your previous one, completely. And I mean it here.
Talking about moving on. Hatred is never a solution, you know why? Because it’s never going to satisfy you inside. You will curse or abuse that person forever and you won’t get enough of it. You will see him happy with someone else, you will curse him more. What are you getting out of it? Nothing, but just negativity and jealousy. You are frowning and cribbing inside, just because he’s moving on and you’re not. And if you keep on ranting like this, you won’t ever move on, I swear!
It’s important to forgive someone, not for him, but for yourself, your own inner peace. It’s important that you remain calm and happy and to achieve that, you first need to spread some tranquility in your mind and heart and it’s possible only if you forgive him and move on. Abusing your dates, the time you spent with him, isn’t going to help. Imagine yourself when you saw him after a week or month, or when he planned a surprise for you, or imagine your birthday, the gifts you got. They’re all happy memories associated with your life, and they’re a part of your life now. They can’t be erased, no matter how hard you try. Then why not simply accept them, and thank him for the good times you guys shared? Be happy in his happiness, for true love has no expectations, only sacrifices. If you loved him ever, even for one second in your entire relationship, let him go happily. Don’t cry, crib or frown, don’t hate him, bid him a happy farewell, wish him all the best for his future, be mature, be sensible. You can’t force someone to stay with you. If it’s his choice to be with someone else after he broke up with you, let it be. Respect him for he didn’t cheat on you or dual-date you with another girl. Respect him for his faithfulness and loyalty towards you during the time you were together. If he cheated on you, still forgive him for hating him won’t make you feel any better, and neither will it make him ‘loyal’.
Love isn’t about ‘asking’, it’s about giving…