Are you a heart-broken person who cannot move on from his/her ex? Are you that unfortunate guy who got dumped by your girlfriend for a richer/hotter guy? Are you that unlucky girl who got cheated upon by her boyfriend for a more beautiful girl? If yes, this is for you – yes You!

A very commonly asked question that I receive every other day in my e-mail is “I broke up with my girlfriend/boyfriend, please suggest me how to move on?”

I can understand the pain of moving on, and then seeing the other person move on like nothing has happened! I’ve seen it happening to many of my friends, and moving-on needs a lot of determination and will power. I can just advice you, but you need to be ‘self-motivated’ to keep the fire burning. I will write this article from a ‘guy’s’ point of view, who has to move on from his ‘ex-girlfriend’ but same thing applies to ladies as well, who are ditched by their undeserving ‘ex-boyfriends’. So read on –

To move on, first thing you need to do is ‘blocking her from every social media’! She’s not someone you want to see or hear about now, so block her. You don’t need to see who she’s hanging out with, who she’s meeting, and who she’s dating. That chapter of your life is over now. Coming on to next, you need to ‘distract’ yourself from her thoughts. Blocking a person isn’t enough when he’s constantly on our minds, right? She’s subconsciously there in your mind, every second, every minute and that is something that won’t let you live in peace, no matter what you do. So now, you distract yourself from her thoughts, her memories, her reminiscence and anything that reminds you of her. Throw out her gifts or cards or things that she gave to you during your relationship and whenever your ‘mind’ starts to remind you of her, ask your mind to shut-up! It’s very easy to fool our mind. When we were young and exams were on the head, we used to waste time, watch movies, play cricket, but ‘not’ study – by ‘assuring’ our mind, that we still have 5 more hours to study, we have 2 more hours to prepare, and so on. If we can fool our mind at that stage so easily, why is it that now it has become one of the toughest things? It’s because “You let your mind ‘control’ you”.

Don’t let your mind control you, rather you control your mind, and ask it to shut-up, the second it starts reminding you of your ex-girlfriend. She might be someone’s girlfriend in future, and you’re a lucky person, you know why? Because you didn’t have to bear such a girl, who can’t even sort out someΒ tiny issues today, how do you expect her to ‘stand’ by your side in future when times can be tougher and unfavorable?

You do not deserve a person like her! She left you like this, when situations weren’t even that tough, an entire life is ahead of you, what do you expect your life-partner to do? How do you want your wife to behave in such situations? To leave you and run away? Instead of being by your side, and helping you sort that situation? I am sure that a wonderful, cheerful and amazing girl is out there, who will be your wife in future, and I’m sure, that will be the day that you will understandΒ WHY this happened, why you went through such a negative phase in your life. Sometimes, negativity is very important, to understand the value of positivity in life, and to understand all the blessings we have. In negative times only, we value the good things.

To distract yourself, you need to do something that you love. And even before that, you need to convince yourself, that smoking and drinking is not what you need to keep going, suicide will not solve things, rather will create more problems. Suicide might be good option for you – but you are no less than your girlfriend then! She left you when you were getting possessive, and you are thinking about leaving your ‘life’, your parents, family and friends, when ‘you’ faced some difficulties in life.Β These things are what cowards do! People who are weak, resilient, who can’t fight and who are not strong enough. People who need ‘external’ things to distract themselves, and so they start smoking and drinking just to sleep peacefully, they think about suicide just to escape, and if not smoking/drinking/suicide, they start taking sleeping-pills.

Tell me – why do we need sleeping pills now? When we were kids, we had huge tensions even then, board exams, tension of result, getting low marks, fearing to show the report card at home – you will say that back in those days, those worries were very little. True. Worries were little, but worries ‘were just’ not little, they are little even now! For a 5 years old kid, tension of showing report card at home, is as much as handling a breakup for a grown up man, you know why? Because a 5 years old child has seen limited world, for him, showing his less marks is even ‘more’ worrying than handling breakup! It’s not that his tension is small, it is as large – but does he drink or smoke to it? No. They know how to handle it! They know how to sleep and how to forget things and move on in life.

Right now, those little things seem small to us, only because in that age, we learnt to ‘let-go’. If now also we adopt that same attitude, and learn to let go, after 20 years, even breaking up will seem small, and you will be advising your children, that a breakup isn’t that difficult phase, rather you can pass through it easily if you have determination and willpower. Right now, you’re weak that you are thinking about suicide. Stop doing that! Be that five year old kid, and think from his point of view – you have failed in an exam, you are going to show the result to your parents, who will beat the shit out of you, but still you don’t run away from home, you walk out of the school bus, enter home, have food, talk to your parents – basically so far you are just fooling your mind, and making it believe that everything is alright – and then, you drop the bomb! You get the beating, you are beaten black and blue, but do you drink at night or do you think about killing yourself? No, you watch cartoons and sleep, because killing yourself is NOT an option – the next day, you are little angry with your parents for what they did to you, but then again, in a week or so, you forget and move on! How were we so amazing in childhood, and we are so stupid and weak now? Because – we have allowed our mind to control us! Don’t allow it. Be that 5 yr old kid, but this time, instead of a bad result, you have an unfaithful girlfriend – see, things will be alright in no time, if you ‘allow’ them to be alright. If you keep on remembering those things, it will keep coming back to you.

The best way to distract yourself is – keeping yourself busy. Be so busy that you don’t have time to breathe! Join a gym, start painting, start sketching, open up motorbikes if you are interested in mechanical engineering, or simply design a new program on computer, start learning anything like C++ or JAVA – basically – do anything that keeps you interested and occupied. You will eventually have a lot better start to the day, and a lot better end to it as well, and when you will be dead tired, you will not need drink/smoke to sleep. You will fall asleep naturally and more comfortably and will wake up better. Eat healthy, go for a morning jog, run, exercise, include fruits in your diet – make some changes to yourself. When you start working out, you immediately start feeling better you know. You will immediately start loving yourself, your body will reflect those changes and it will ‘thank’ you for taking care of it.

Ultimately, it’s you who can make a positive or negative change in your life. I can advice you and this piece might make you feel amazing for a day or two, but after that you will be again back to square one. After that, you will need more doses – but don’t rely upon that! Be your own motivator, and supporter. Be your best friend, and advice yourself upon what is the right thing to do. I am sure you will never need any counseling again in life.

One Life! πŸ™‚




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  Comments (32)

  • Shweta

    March 15, 2016

    Awesome mehek… This comment is not just for this fantastic article but for all those newsletters i have read…
    You write amazingly and it feels like you can make readers relate to those situations in the best way!

    Keep writing… πŸ™‚ may God bless you..!

    • Mehek

      March 17, 2016

      Thank you so much Shweta! πŸ™‚

  • Pranesh

    March 31, 2016

    Awesome as always …. thank you mehek for a beautifull piece of advice …..your like a guidepost

    • Mehek

      April 1, 2016

      Thanks Pranesh! πŸ™‚

  • Karan

    April 14, 2016

    I was searching for some advice and found your articles on Quora.com. The way you write, the way you inspire people and they way you relate to readers is amazing. It seems you are someone my own and I know you from years.

    I read your article “Fiasco!!” and “How to move on?”…..it’s truly amazing and motivating.

    Keep writing….. πŸ™‚

    May god bless you.

    • Mehek

      April 14, 2016

      Thanks Karan! πŸ™‚ God bless you too…

  • Sudeep sharma

    April 22, 2016

    I was not able to forget her. One-day one of my friends told me to recite hanuman chalisa then I recite hanuman chalisa every day now I’m happy and I’m not thinking about her like I was thinking of her 2 months ago and the pain is fading away day by day. Now I don’t feel pain anymore. Try this! Hanuman chalisa has very powerful effect.

    • Mehek

      April 22, 2016

      Thanks for sharing your views! πŸ™‚ I’m glad you are moved on…

  • Subham Kapiswe

    April 24, 2016

    Once again you won my heart.
    Just Amazing. Anyone who has broken up with his partner can relate his life with every word written in this article. You are doing a wonderful work of motivating people who are crossing the ‘break up’ phase in their life and really need some advice.

    Anyway..Keep it up..:)

    • Mehek

      April 24, 2016

      Thank you Shubham! πŸ™‚

  • bharti jain

    May 3, 2016

    What should one do when none of the partners cheated and had to fall apart because of family pressure?

    • Mehek

      May 7, 2016

      Even then, do you have any other option rather than moving on? No, right? Then move on without thinking what the reason of separation was. There is no need to be hateful about your partner. You can read another article I’ve written about the same issue – http://www.mehek.in/articles/moving-hating/ – I hope this helps πŸ™‚

  • vishakha

    May 4, 2016

    thanks a lot, you really are a person to give the right advice, normally I can advice people but when it comes to me I am befuddled with thoughts of guilt and hurt. But you know what they say, whatever is inside you sometimes you want to listen it from some other person. The problem with me is motivation, I have been trying to move on from like past 5 months with only slight improvement. I need the motivation to go on. I really like the way you wrote it, I must say you really understand the psychology of humans.

    • Mehek

      May 7, 2016

      Thank you so much Vishakha, and I am glad I could help you! More power to you <3

  • kshitiz

    May 30, 2016

    I saw ur blog from Quora. At present, I am not going through any breakup, thank god. I just opened this blog just for curiosity to know what is ur way to move on. But I followed the same path to move on and I think this is the only way to move on (Y)

    • Mehek

      June 3, 2016

      πŸ™‚ I’m glad it could help you in any way, Kshitiz.

  • Gopal

    June 4, 2016

    Actually , i should have been here little bit earlier. But no problem , it helps.

    • Mehek

      June 4, 2016

      You’re welcome! πŸ™‚

  • Anbu surya

    June 22, 2016

    I don’t think this is the correct place to post this but Couldn’t control myself from doing so…Mehek..
    i Just have a question..Like after spending days loving her..(u have to the exact meaning of love her)..I would definitely understood her and if she takes a wrong path now Isn’t it my duty to make her understand..to get a more clear view of my question..please see this answer of mine ..https://www.quora.com/What-was-the-first-thing-you-did-after-a-break-up/answer/Anbu-Surya-2

  • suchismita paul

    July 24, 2016

    What if you fall in love with your bestfriend? You just can’t avoid them or block them. You need them. How to move on from them?

    • Mehek

      July 24, 2016

      In the same way you move from someone you love. Your dependence should not stop you from living your life, because ultimately by not moving on, you are doing nothing but stopping yourself, limiting yourself and spoiling your own life in the process. A relationship is successful when it is mutual between two people. One sided love is always harmful. Especially for the one who ‘does’ it! Doesn’t matter if it is your lover or best friend on the other side. You might not be able to have that friendship with someone again, but you will definitely ‘learn’ something out of it, and be mature in coming years. This is what life is about. Learning and growing, helping your experiences mature you in the process.

  • aniket

    December 24, 2016

    Awesome mehek….

  • Neeraj

    December 30, 2016

    Really nice article and much more is practical.. i have gone through the situation and can feel what goes on … awesome

    • Mehek

      January 5, 2017

      Thanks Neeraj! πŸ™‚

  • Manojkumar

    January 13, 2017

    Awesome mehek

    • Mehek

      January 14, 2017

      Thanks Manoj! πŸ™‚

  • annonymous

    February 8, 2017

    Thanks i needed this.
    Mine was a 3 yr r/s, she bottled up all the little unhappiness here and there she had with me. I really had no clue because were just so blissful together and there were close to no signs of her feeling unhappy.
    One fine day she just decides to explode over text and our r/s just ended like that before i could even make things right again.
    I really tried very hard to patch things up, i did crazy stupid things to try to touch her heart but to no avail.
    About a week later, i finally found out why she was so resolved to end this.
    There was a change in her heart, at some point before it all ended.
    It’s just so painful, i can never get over the fact that she just gave up so easily on the r/s we built, after everything i did for her over the years. It felt as though everything i did thus far never mattered.
    I was at fault no doubt, but it was such an immature r/s where we can’t go like “look heres the problem, how are we gonna solve this”. It was that simple but she choose to have her heart wavered by another guy.

  • Dheeraj

    May 30, 2017

    One life ! Spot on.

    Where do you get all this wisdom? Past experiences??

    • Mehek

      June 13, 2017

      Not necessarily, but surely from the people around me, friends and colleagues…some other people who have had it pretty rough. So, yeah…

  • ashwini

    June 17, 2017

    Mam hats off and no words are there to appreciate you

    • Mehek

      June 22, 2017

      Thanks a lot! πŸ™‚

  • Chikkaswamy

    July 3, 2017

    Thanks