This is an open letter to the in-laws who demand dowry from the bride’s family. Why should the groom’s family be the one giving lavish dowry to the bride’s family, instead of traditional culture that’s being followed wrong since all these years!?

Dear In-Laws,

Marriage, for a girl is way bigger deal than it is for the guy. Girls have to leave their homes and migrate into a new home, new city and even a new country sometimes. Sometimes we also have to leave our college or job for your son and your family. Our friends are torn apart, our social circle changes, in other words, our entire life changes within a matter of days but still we welcome the change with open arms, thinking that everything is happening for good.

Wedding is a big-thing. It’s a dream for every teenage girl and a reality for almost everyone in their twenties or thirties, but sometimes, the reality isn’t as beautiful as that teenage-dream. Especially when you ask for dowry from our parents. First question I would ask is – ‘WHY’ should you be demanding dowry in the first place? You ask for a fridge, or a LCD TV or a car and sometimes hard-cash or jewelry. Sometimes it takes the form of a farm-house, a piece of land or an apartment. All this, for what?Β What have you done to deserve such sumptuous luxuries after all? Birthed a son, so that one day you could sell him off for some increment in your bank-account digits? Wonderful!

You say you are from the ‘groom’s-side’ so its your right to ask for dowry, right? If I say that you should be the one ‘giving’ dowry to the bride’s side (I know your blood will boil), but I bet you will agree on each point that I’m going to state next-

When a girl is born, she’s her daddy’s princess. She’s raised as a princess only, no matter how rich or poor the family is. No parent leaves any kind of void in fulfillment of his/her daughter’s demands. Daughters are closer to dads than sons and so they’re more loved and pampered. Her every need and demand is taken care of. She’s provided with best medical treatments and healthcare, she’s bought new clothes and toys every year, she’s given best possible education and till the day she graduates, she’s given every luxury and facility.

When she is growing up, she’s provided with every new technology, from a computer to a mobile phone, she’s having everything that your son has and in no way she’s any less than him. If your son can work a job, so can she. She’s qualified enough to earn her own bread.

But let me ask a question here – who paid for her education and all the sidelined expenses till the time your son wasn’t around? Of course her family did. But will they get to keep her with them? No. You get to keep her from now on, and soon she’s going to be a part of your ‘thankless’ family. In a way, you get to have a well-read, educated, cultured girl, without spending a penny on her education, how cool is that!? You should be the one who should be paying the girl’s side instead of demanding, after all, she’s going to be the pride of your house from now! Come’on, at least pay for all her education expenses, shouldn’t you?

You say that you need dowry, because your son is going to take care of her for the rest of her life, will you mind explaining how is ‘only’ your son going to provide her with everything? Isn’t she going to bear kids for your son in future? Can you even calculate the price of having a baby in the womb for nine months? I don’t think you can. Nobody can. Then how can you ask for dowry from her parents when she’s the one who’s going to expand your bloodline in future? Shouldn’t you be paying her family instead, after all she’s going to bear ‘your-son’s’ children?

You say that you need a car or cash, has your son done nothing in the worthless twenty+ years of his life to earn a decent living, without losing his own dignity and self-respect? If he’s asking for an educated bride, can’t he himself be a little educated first and say ‘no’ to dowry? The girl’s family is organizing a lavish wedding for you and your big-mouthed relatives, isn’t it enough already? The girl you are getting is worth a million/billion times more than the petty dowry you’re asking for, it makes you look like beggars in front of local temples, just stop it!

I hope you got how frustrated we girls are, and how we are following dowry system ‘wrong’ since all these years. I don’t say that the groom’s family should start paying the girl’s family, but I say that nobody should pay anybody anything. A wedding is a private affair. A union of two souls, and it’s purity should remain intact with just two people in love, and a soulful celebration involving friends and loved ones. Dowry, money, demands, they do nothing but act as a spoiler, and sometimes a devastating end for the girl’s family and her life. Many girls have died, some committed suicide, while some were murdered just for dowry! It’s a shame that even in 21st Century, we are encountering such shallow and filthy cases. Let’s say ‘NO’ to any kind of dowry, and stand against injustice for all those sisters who experienced such a traumatic event ever in their lives!

Life is meant to be celebrated, and a wedding is the most important event, rather a new beginning of a person’s life. Let’s not just kill the new life by such unethical practices.

One life…

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  Comments (11)

  • vinod puri

    October 26, 2014

    this article is really worth reading. i hope all parents should read it once so they can realise the real imporance of daughters/grooms. 10/10.

  • Partha

    October 29, 2014

    Why should only wife get reverse dowry – that is alimony on marriage breaking? Why is this legal and mostly forced on husband?

    • Mehek

      October 30, 2014

      If you read the constitution properly, the wife can demand alimony ‘if’ she is NOT earning and has to support her kids, or has to support herself, which is right because even if she was with the husband, he would be the one to cater to her demands, then also she was getting the money from him. But in case of ‘dowry’ the groom’s family demands car, fridge, microwave, hard-cash, sometimes jewelry too, don’t they have anything at all? An alimony is not something which comes out of obnoxious demands of the divorced-wife, but it’s a monthly allowance that the wife gets and that too according to the salary of the husband. She can’t demand a sum unless the husband is filthy rich, she’s only allowed to get a percentage of his salary.

    • Mehek

      October 30, 2014

      Kindly read this article in your free time and update yourself with how actually the law about alimony in India works ––78442.asp#.VFI2w_mUc00 πŸ™‚

  • a blend of technology and social life

    January 7, 2015

    the feeling that i have spent on daughter’s marriage so i will take on son’s marriage will never let dowry stop

    • Mehek

      January 7, 2015

      Yea, that’s one thing, but somewhere, someday, somebody has to draw the line…

  • Atul

    July 26, 2015

    One of the best article i hv ever come across … Great going dear … Carry on the good work

    • Mehek

      July 26, 2015

      Thanks Atul πŸ™‚

  • Scooter

    September 26, 2015

    I completely agree that dowry in cash or kind should be condemned. Understand that you are frustrated with people asking dowry.

    However, your logic here is very stupid.

    You yourself are commoditising women by placing a price for having children . ‘having children for the husband’. Are they not the womans kids? You say brides parents should be paid for having paid for their education ? Is a woman a commodity that you pay money to get one who is well read and educated etc etc ?

    All in all your logic is very stupid. Intent maybe not.

    Also, the constitution doesn’t talk about alimony. Since you have provided the link to some reader, why don’t you read it first ?

    • Mehek

      September 26, 2015

      I don’t say that the groom’s family should start paying the girl’s family, but I say that nobody should pay anybody anything. A wedding is a private affair. A union of two souls, and it’s purity should remain intact with just two people in love, and a soulful celebration involving friends and loved ones. Dowry, money, demands, they do nothing but act as a spoiler, and sometimes a devastating end for the girl’s family and her life.

      The article is a “SARCASM” upon the entire dowry system, and the above statement is taken from the article itself. Hope you understand sarcasm πŸ™‚

  • vishal

    November 28, 2016

    What you wrote in first paragraph is done by the choice of girls. Groom doesn’t put gun on her head to to do.
    In India, dowry is illegal both for giving and taking. Now, if you are crying over dowry issue, for every dowry seeker, there must be a dowry giver then only the whole transaction of dowry will be completed. So, those who cry about dowry must ask their parents first to say no to it. But how they can, after all they want their so called ‘princess’ to be married to some king earning 6digit salary pm and ready to spend anything for that. If this is not the case then IAS offices would not have getting dowry in crores while no girl ready to marry unemployed boy even if he is ready for dowry free marriage. And if you resent dowry this much then why do you support alimony rule? Isn’t it reverse dowry? If you don’t want him to pay to feed you after marriage then why do you want to pay him to feed you after divorce? More so in cases where you are equally capable of earning as written by you or when your father treated you like princess before marriage then why he can’t do same after divorce?? Just like alimony, there can be various justifications for dowry; like assisting newly web couple to start their new life.
    And women get streedhan which includes gifts from in laws too. And this remain with women even after divorce unlike in case of dowry which needs to be returned after divorce.